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Anti Paradise Philippines

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Rules on Being a Filipino Sunday, September 2, 2007 |

In Paradise Philippines you are a Pure Filipino if you:
  1. Carry a Nokia Cellphone, and use TXT msgs (never call it SMS or you will be PWNED!!! LOL)
  2. Drive only luxury Japanese or German cars.
  3. You must use tabo and H2O or "Bidit" after pooping and not TP alone.
  4. Avoid trailer parks.
  5. Beware of "evil demons".
  6. Beware of dwarves.
  7. Act black.
  8. Elect actors and actresses into public office then clap your hands.
  9. Believe in superstitious bullshit.
  10. If you're a balikbayan from the states, never ever speak Tagalog.
  11. Celebrate Christmas. For a month. - and prepare to put up decors 2 months before and get them down before lent....
  12. Always climb a volcano.
  13. When a typhoon hits, STAY OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!!
  14. Point with your lips.
  15. Scratch your head if you don't know the answer.
  16. If another person asks how far away is their destination, just say it's just close by no matter how far it is.
  17. Pray to MOMMA MARY.
  18. Throw a big party in the graveyard during Halloween.
  19. When a white person does happen to see you, give your privates a good licking, they always like that.
  20. When a black person does happen to see you, do what Kramer from Seinfeld did, they always like that.
  21. Shop til you drop folks, that's why our malls are bigger than those in the West!
  22. Complain to foreigners that the Philippines is the poorest country in the world and then spend all day shopping at fancy malls, drinking Starbucks coffee, and riding taxis.
  23. Eat rice all the time.
  24. Use your fingers to cook rice (best done while afflicted with a fatal, contagious disease )
  25. Ditch utensils!!! Eat with your hands, dammit!
  26. Remember that every Caucasian you see is from the States, and the appropriate greeting for them is either "Hey Joe!" or "Gimme money!". They love that!
  27. Pretend to not know English.
  28. Be updated about Kris Aquino.
  29. Act gay and touch people's balls and such even though you're not really gay. Or are you??
  30. Buy a painting of The Last Supper and hang it on your dining room wall, even if you're not Christian.

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